It has been 3 months since daddy and I last felt true happiness, true optimism. That's 13 weeks ,92 days, of living half a life. Both of us are missing a piece of our hearts, the pieces you took with you when you left this Earth behind. It's weird to think I should be 30 weeks pregnant with you right now. I should be 10 weeks from meeting you, from holding you in my arms, from smothering you in all the love and kisses in the world, but I'm not. It feels like just yesterday we heard the awful news, I remember every single detail for that day, but at the same time it feels like an eternity has passed since you were safe inside of me. Time is such a scary thing.
I'm trying to stay positive, but it's so hard some days. This roller coaster ride of grief I'm on is absolutely exhausting some days. Some days I feel okay again, like I'm getting the light back in my life that I lost 3 months ago. And then other days I feel so sad, so hopeless, so depressed. Everyone told me it would get better with time, but that's a lie. Some days are easier then others, but they aren't ever better. I do know that 3 months ago I never thought I would be were I am right now. I survived these past 3 months, as much as I didn't want to. And I'm trying to stay hopeful that maybe three months from today things will be a little easier. I miss you so much little one. You are on my mind all the time. I love you to the moon and back.
Love,
Your mommy
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I can so relate and it has been almost 7 months for us. You are not alone!! I have found it helpful to do something special but simple like light a candle or two on our angelversaries! Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI can relate also. One moment I think, "wow, today wasn't so bad, I'm doing better." And the next I am sobbing. Hugs to you! <3
ReplyDeleteI've nominated you for the Liebster award: http://missingavery.blogspot.com/2013/01/liebster-award.html
I lost my son, at 24 weeks along, 3 weeks ago. I'm just going through the Faces of Loss site trying to find stories that make me not feel alone, and found yours. Thank you for writing it down. It's such a difficult thing, you're not alone <3
ReplyDeleteAnnie