Yes, believe me, I understand that people go through miscarriages all the time. I have done plenty of research over the past 3 months and I understand the statistics, I understand I am not the only one, and I have never said I was. Babies, children, people die every single day. I get that. But just because it happens all the time, doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it any easier to go through when you're the person who is dealing with the loss. Telling me that people miscarry all the time and I need to get over it would be like me telling you if your child died that "children die all the time." It doesn't make a difference. It still hurts like hell.
I miscarried at 16 weeks. Now, I've never loss a pregnancy early on so I have no idea what that feels like, and I know that no matter what point you are at in a pregnancy, when you hear your baby did not or will not survive it is so hard. But I do believe there is a difference between losing your baby at 8 weeks and losing your baby at 16 weeks. 30 to 40% of first trimester pregnancies end in a miscarriage. That is a lot of people. And any women who has ever been pregnant will tell you that those first 3 months of a pregnancy are so scary, because any number of things can go very wrong. But we are told we just have to make it to that 12 week mark and we are in the "safe zone". Once you make it into the second trimester, 13 weeks, your chances of miscarrying drop drastically to 1 to 5% of a chance. Maybe I was naive, but I thought I had made it into the safe zone, I thought I was going to get to bring my baby home. But I didn't. And NO it does not happen to a lot of people. It happens to 1-5% of pregnant women. That is a small number when you think of how many women are pregnant. My baby wasn't just a cluster of cells. My baby was about 4.5 inches long, my baby weighed about 2.75 ounces (approximately the size of an avocado). My baby had 10 fingers and 10 toes, my baby's muscles were developing, my baby could make facial expressions, my baby had finger nails.
If you don't like listening to me talk about my baby, don't come around. If you don't like reading about how I'm feeling then don't read my blog or my Facebook. This isn't about you. It is about me doing what I need to to get through each day. And if you can't handle that, if you can't be compassionate and understanding, then I don't want you in my life. I need people around me that are going to help lift me up, people that make me want to survive this. I DO NOT need people in my life that bring me down, people who make me feel worse than I already feel, people who make me want to give up. I'm letting go of those people starting right now, because I don't need them in my life.
I'm sorry you are being treated this way. When you've never been through what you are going through its hard to find the right words for support - so here is what I can offer - I pray for you daily and when I read your posts I pray again. No one can explain why and that really really sucks! But not everyone is against you and how you are finding away to grieve and live each day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers! I know not everyone is against me. In fact for the most part I have a great support system, but there are a few people in my life who have not been supportive at all. I'm taking a stand against those people.
DeleteI'm sorry there are people who aren't being supportive. I think those that haven't gone through it don't understand just how long it stays with you. I know even with my close family - at first they all were very supportive and understanding, but as the weeks have gone by, they speak less and less of my loss, and ask me less often how I'm feeling or how I'm doing because of it. They don't realise that yes, even after 6 weeks, I still carry around the weight of the loss in my heart. And I will forever. But know that others that have had a loss, like I, are here and we understand. Like HopCoach, you are in my prayers as well.
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