Faith

Yesterday I had my sweet little nieces and nephews over to decorate some Christmas cookies for Santa. After the decorating festivities we all settled down to watch Pocohontas (one of my all time favorite Disney movies). As we were watching the movie we were talking and someone mentioned something about when Randy and I have a baby. I quickly corrected them saying IF Randy and I have a baby. My nephew Jack who has snuggled up on my lap looked up at me after I said this and said "Aunt Randa you WILL have a baby." I hugged that sweet little boy tight and tried not to cry. How I wish I had the faith of this little guy who I love so much.

I am trying, and some days I have a lot of faith that our little baby is somewhere in the near future, but then there are days that I am just waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me. I thought having a diagnosis would help me move forward. I am happy to have an answer, and I am grateful that for the most part it has a simple "solution", but that part scares me. Nothing has ever come easily to me, and I'm scared to get my hopes up now. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.I'm waiting for them to discover something else that won't allow me to have children. Today I'm just having a hard time keeping the faith....