Hope for the New Year

Today is the last day of 2012 and I can't help but sit here and think about the crazy roller coaster ride this year has been. 4 months ago I was excited for 2013, because that meant I only had 3 months left until Randy and I met Baby Sellers, but now I am ready for 2013 for a whole new reason. As I sit here and reflect on the year I'm finding as much as I don't want to believe it 2012 held a lot of good things for me and my family. I graduated with my Bachelor's degree in Elementary Education, I got my first teaching job, I gained a new sister when my brother got married, I found out I was expecting, and I received a new nephew. That's a lot of good things and I am so grateful for them all, but 2012 also holds the worst day(s) of my life. When I think back to 2012 years from now, I won't remember it as the year I graduated or got my first teaching job, I will always remember it as the year I lost my baby.

The coming of 2013 is bittersweet. I'm terrified for what it holds. I know getting through March and my due date is going to especially hard. I'm also terrified because what if 2013 comes and goes and Randy and I still don't have a baby? I'm not in control, God is, and that terrifies me. If 2012 has taught me anything it is that I am not in control and rather then fight that I need to let go and let God. I am scared for 2013, but I'm also ready. 2013 means a new start. It means I went through hell and survived. It means as much as I hate to admit it, I am stronger. My wish for 2013 is that Randy and I will continue to heal. We will become an even stronger couple then we are now, and hopefully one way or another our little family of two will become a family of three. No matter what though, my resolution for 2013 is to live each day like it is my last day, because this past year has taught me that life can change drastically in the blink of an eye. Thank you to Randy, my family, and my friends (new and old) for being there for me and helping me get through these past couple of months, I never would have made it through without you. Here's to hoping that 2013 is a year filled of joy, happiness, hope for a better tomorrow,  and that we all learn to dance in the rain.