Holding on to the Good

Dearest Baby Sellers,

The Christmas season is upon us. Another holiday that I will never get to spend with you. I was dreading the upcoming holiday. Christmas is a time of love, joy and laughter and feeling those things makes me feel guilty. When I feel joy or when I'm laughing it is often followed by the feeling of guilt, because you aren't here with me and I should be sad about that. I realize though that this isn't how my holiday season should be. I shouldn't be sad and unhappy because you wouldn't want me to be. I shouldn't feel guilty about being happy and laughing because you would want me to do those things. No one knows more then you do how much I miss you, because no one knows more then you how much I loved and wanted you. Being happy again doesn't mean that I am forgetting you, it means I'm letting go of all the bad and holding on to the good. Because you gave me and continue to give me so many good things. 

Instead of being sad that you won't be with me this holiday season, I am going to be happy that you get to spend your first Christmas with three of the greatest women I know; your Grandma Lori, your Great Grandma Bauer, and your Great Grandma Helen. I know without a doubt in my mind these three wonderful ladies are taking care of you and will make sure you have the best Christmas ever. Grandma Lori will teach you how to make the best sugar cookies ever, and even let you eat some of the cookie dough (but not too much or you'll get a stomachache!). Great Grandma Bauer will teach you how to knit so you can make a stocking and I really hope there is snow in Heaven because Great Grandma Bauer will help you make the best snowman ever. Great Grandma Helen will teach you how to make her Swedish Meatballs (it's not Christmas without them) and help you decorate a Christmas tree. I know that you will have a wonderful Christmas because you will get to experience some of my favorite Christmas traditions with the women who taught them to me.

Please know that daddy and I will still be missing you, like we do every day, but we will smile knowing you are safe and happy. I love you to the moon and back baby! Please continue to sprinkle your baby dust on daddy and I. Christmas is a time for miracles, I really hope we get a miracle this Christmas.

Love,
Your Momma