Know you're not alone

Dear Baby Sellers,

Well daddy and I survived the holiday season without you. Honestly, it wasn't as horrible as I had built it up in my mind to be. My biggest fear is that people will forget about you, about the impact you had on my life. I know daddy and I will never forget you because the love we feel for you will never go away, but what about everyone else? What about our friends and family, will they remember you 6 months from now, a year from now, 10 years from now? Life goes on and daddy and I continue to find a new sense of normal, but just  because we are finding our new normal doesn't mean our hearts aren't still broken, that our arms aren't still aching to hold you, and that will NEVER go away. It drives me crazy when people see me going out, smiling, and laughing and assume that I am all better. I will never be better, I will never be the person I used to be, I will always have a hole in my heart. But I realize I can't wallow in self-pity all the time. So yes I go to work, I go shopping, I hang out with friends, I do these things because as much as I don't want it to life goes on.

Daddy and I can't pretend that you never happened because you were the best thing that ever happened to us, and why would we ever want to forget that? And nothing hurts worst then being around people who act like nothing ever happened, like everything is just fine. These people don't talk about you and when I bring you up they either ignore me or quickly change the subject. These people never check in on daddy and I or ask how we are doing. And that really hurts. But for every person who has not been there for daddy and I over these past couple of months, there or other people who have been absolutely amazing.It reminds me we are not alone. Sometimes I get caught up in my own grief and forget that I wasn't the only one who loved and wanted you. You had grandparents who were so excited for your arrival. You had aunts, uncles, and cousins who couldn't wait to meet you. You had so many people who loved you from the very beginning, and all of these people were heartbroken when we lost you. So yes I am afraid that people will forget about you, and a lot of people probably will, but daddy and I and all the people who love you so very much never will. Daddy and I asked these people to light a candle for you on Christmas and it brought tears to my eyes to see just how many people actually did this. I received so many pictures, texts, and messages letting me know that a candle for Baby Sellers had been lit. I love you so very much baby and miss you more than you could ever know.

Love,
Your Momma